The Last Moon Boat by Mike Hoinville

Author:Mike Hoinville
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Mystery, Quirky, Odd, Varied, History, Imagination, Unusual, Intriguing, Memorable
ISBN: 9781785381713
Publisher: Andrews UK Limited 2015
Published: 2015-04-15T00:00:00+00:00

Revenge in a Cathedral

The guide’s voice boomed around the low arches of the crypt. It was surprisingly warm but he expected that was from the close press of some fifty tourists huddled together and swirling after the gesticulations of the guide like some somnolent swarm of fishes - mostly Dutch he guessed although with the inevitable sprinkling of Japanese. Almost on cue there was a flash of a camera bulb almost immediately followed by the upraised tones of the guide.

“Ahm... excuse me sir but, as you may have read at the entrance and at the bottom of the stairs - no photographs please!” Ex-schoolmaster he thought - wasting his time with that one, look at him, little slant-eyed face smiling as if he didn’t understand English... doesn’t when it suits him... but the same couple had been quick enough asking someone outside what time the last tour of the cathedral was.

The crypt echoed away into some distance; a forest of thick creamy pillars giving onto simple arches... Norman influence overlaid on earlier roots, had droned the guide. How much more of this was there for God’s sake! He looked at his watch and smiled as he did so like he did every time. A genuine Rolex! He could never have afforded to buy it - there again why should he try when it had been lying around on the bench in the health club... stupid to leave it lying there wasn’t it... just asking to have it sto... the guide and group had marched off some paces to a place near the wall and the guide was explaining about it being a door to some stairs - see - the dark plasterwork in the shape of the pointed arch? The group marched on and the man hurried after them. Must keep up with the group - mingle and smile, smile and mingle.

He stopped to ask some banal question of a vacuous blond (well, nearly blond) woman who seemed to have a perpetual cold and received the expected reply

“I’m not sure really - sorry”. He moved on to stand by one of the pillars still brightly coloured with its spirals of animals and plants, leaves and half-human creatures peeping out from the foliage... strange drawings for a Christian church he thought especially Canterbury - supposed to be the head of the Church back then wasn’t it - it all looked a bit pagan to him - still what did he know. The guide’s voice brought him back - any questions? The man thought he would see how the fussy schoolmaster would cope with it...

“Yes - what time does the church close?” The man smiled engagingly, “And where is the nearest toilet please. I wouldn’t like to get locked in.” Several titters rewarded the question and the benign smile on the guide tightened a little at the schoolboyish tone of the questioner.

“The Gent’s is just outside sir, on the left as you came to the west door. And the cathedral closes at 8pm.

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